UPDATED: I need your vote!

A couple of weeks ago, I entered a logo contest for the Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (GPGLCC). After a couple of hiccups, the finals have begun and it's now time to vote.

The winner will be announced on Feb 20. You can view my submission and cast your vote at www.gpglcc.org. I am #12 and #13.

To vote for my submission, send an e-mail to admin@gpglcc.org with the word "Logo" in the subject and the number "13" in the message body.

I will keep you posted with the results in a few days. Thank you for your support!

Looking Ahead

Now that 2008 is long gone (and thank God for that), I decided to make some serious internal and attitudinal changes necessary for the new year. Generally speaking, the past 365 days were rough. Dating was a complete failure, my job took a downturn and a few clients cheated me out of some money. Now, it's time to make some changes.

For starters, I've come to an epiphany: I am NOT for sale and I am NOT for rent. I shouldn't have to make a sales pitch in order to convince a guy that I'm worthy. If anything, it should go BOTH ways, and when the right guy comes along, he'll fight for me just as much as I'll fight for him. Period!

I should not be feel bad or be embarrassed by my dating preferences. Yes, I like white and Latino men and on occasion, other ethnic groups will draw me in. That doesn't mean I'm prejudice, close-minded or shallow. I like what I like and I want what I want. Period. No more feeling bad about it and no more beating myself up.

I need to be more honest with myself and be more straight forward about what I want. In most cases, I settle for less than I deserve and get burned. If I have to be a little more selfish and shallow, so be it. If a guy can't brush his teeth, nope. Not for me. If a guy can't control his hormones. Nope. Not this guy. It's a new year.

There you have it.

STORY: Am I Out of Line?

Ok. I'll admit it! I can be a dick, but I feel like it's provoked sometimes!

I made a couple of new friends recently. Really cool guys. The first guy I met (who I'll call Bear) had a "boyfriend" at the time who lived in another state. Bear and I decided to meet up strictly as friends because we were both looking to expand our circle of companions. No big deal.

As it turns out, Bear's "boyfriend" was supposed to move in with him, but never showed up and hasn't been heard of since. So, what was supposed to be him and I "hanging out" kind of turned into a date. A good one at that.

One problem, three words: bad - oral - hygiene.

I'm not a shallow person. I'm really, really not. I don't care if your teeth are crooked or not. As long as you are the man I need you to be, it's all good, but the one thing I can't deal with is dirty, plaqued teeth and death breath.

Where 99% of gay men would have either made fun of him for it or simply cut him off, I was nice enough to pull him aside and tell him that it was an issue, especially if our friendship was going to reach new heights. After the fact, I was still willing to be his friend and somewhat affectionate. I'll give MYSELF kudos for being open and honest, thank you very much.

We developed the kind of friendship where we busted each other's chops. Most of the time, he was the aggressor (but will deny it to this day). Although I do like to start shit sometimes, I'm not an alpha male, but I'll definitely finish what someone starts.

There were a couple of things I said that got under his skin and I always apologized for it. Not once has he paid me the same courtesy because he's said some real fowl stuff too, but I have thick skin and a witty mouth, so it wasn't a big deal.

Well, the other night, I hurled another diss, which set him over the edge. He hung up the phone on me twice. Now, according to his text message, he wants an apology.

I don't like hurting people's feelings who I care about and I am sorry for hurting his, but you know what? At the same time, he's disrespected me too. He's always got something negative to say about my body or my weight. I'm either too weak or my haircut is too unsexy... But, like I said: I have thick skin and I can take a hit. No biggie. That's why I kinda feel like I don't owe him anything. Mind you, he didn't give me a chance to apologize because he kept hanging up on me and that is the ultimate no no in my book.

When I do something wrong, I like to know about it. That way, I can apologize and change my behavior. I can't fix what I don't know needs to be fixed -- that's why I can't stand a lack of communication. Yeah, maybe I was out of line and should have kept my smart-ass mouth shut. On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't bother associating with someone who can't communicate or take back what they dish out?

He's been divorced, but am I out of line?

THINK: I'm Not God's Gift

It looks like I'm in another pickle.

Going back four years ago or so, I met this guy from Canada through Myspace after he joined my group. Like most of my online encounters, he and I hit it off. There was definitely a strong physical and emotional attraction between us or at least as much as there could be over the 'net, but both of us knew a relationship was unrealistic so we remained digital pen pals. Long distance relationships and cyber dating are not my thing, so I opted out of that, but that's not to say there were no dreams and fantasies.

After a while, I noticed his habit of disappearing for weeks and weeks, usually after finding himself a boyfriend. I was too busy with my own life to care in the beginning, but after some time, there was a pattern and it began to grate on my nerves.

Whenever his relationships fell apart, he would resurface as if nothing happened. I was starting to feel like his fall back plan and I grew sick and tired of being tossed aside when he was occupied with someone else. I am no back burner bitch.

After much deliberation and discussion, he and I resolved things for the most part. At that point, I stopped caring anyway because the whole thing just wasn't worth stressing over.

Last year, I took a business trip to Canada and had the opportunity to meet him in person. We were cool at that point, but I purposely didn't tell him I was coming until a week before my flight, just so I could surprise him.

Soon after I arrived, we spent the next several days and evenings together and had a wonderful time. It was almost like a fairytale even though I don't believe in that. I'm never so lucky.

He showed me around town and really opened up and I appreciated his candid honesty. That's not something us gay men see everyday, so it was a pleasant relief. By the end of my trip, I think the both of us saw an enormous potential of a long-term relationship, but he and I both knew we couldn't date because of the long distance. It just wouldn't work.

Fast forward to two weeks ago -- the night after Thanksgiving, he was drunk when he called me. He told me that he loved me... as in LOVE love. At that moment, I knew he was having relationship problems as past experiences revealed, but he wouldn't confess. I blew it off at first, but every day since, he's been pouring his heart out and telling me how much he wants to be with me. I guess he can't get me out of my head, but I'm not sure if it's real.

Last week, I finally got him to admit that his relationship was unraveling. If he manages to straighten things out with his boyfriend, I'm sure he'll pull what he always does and turn his back on me once again. However, it's unusual for him to carry on like this for that long. I just don't know what to believe, but there's nothing I can really do about it anyway.

I don't have any feelings for him right now. The few feelings I had for him when we spent time together last year were in the early stages, and that's why I don't understand how he could possibly love me. We only spent four evenings together. How could he possibly love me?

When I question his motives and feelings, he assures me that he's being real and honest, but I think he's being reactionary to relationship turmoil. He's in love with the idea of what he COULD have with me. I am just a figment of his fantasy. He doesn't know me well enough to use the word "love" nor does he know how I would be as a boyfriend (and vice versa).

I hate it when guys fall in love with the idea of falling in love. While I'm very capable of giving it, I am NOT love.

I feel like some men have a tendency to fall for my "image" rather than my character or even what makes me the man I am. I can tell because there are some who don't really ask about me. It's all superficial.

Now, I'm not saying that my "image" is spectacular or even great (I do the best I can), but I hate the pressure of living up to the fanatical knight in shining armor some guys think I am or want me to be. I'm just a regular dude. I make mistakes, say dumb things and have emotions, just like everyone else.

Sure, I can take a good photo once in a while. Yep, my profile descriptions are well written. Hell, I can even say the right thing at the right moment, but that doesn't mean I'm God's gift. I'm not.

This is why I sometimes get annoyed with the really hot guys out there who aren't humble nor personable. At the end of the day, beauty fades and personalities change. When that happens, the core of who we are is what holds us together. I know I'm going off on a tangent here and maybe this guy from Canada sees something in me that he doesn't seen in other guys. I don't know. I'm confused.

BITCH-N-MOAN: Doctors

I don't know about you, but whenever I go to see the doctor for something as common as the sniffles or a sore throat, they automatically assume I've been sucking dick. It's bad enough having to come out, let alone come out to a complete stranger who's in charge of monitoring your health, but it's even worse when your doctor tries to diagnose you as a whore.

There have been a few times I've gone to see the doctor about a bad sore throat or a sinus infection. A simple prescription will take care of the problem, but the doctors that know I'm gay will jump right into asking me about my sex life. Sometimes as far as how many sexual partners I'm involved with or if I swallow. The doctors I have not come out to will ask typical, generic medical questions, such as "are you currently on any prescribed medications." Now, why is that?

Are gay men so vile and disgusting that we have our own set of prerequisite medical questions? DAMN. Can't I just have a cold? Why do I have to be sucking all this dick?

Don't get me wrong, I can be a bad boy at times, but God damn it -- I'm very responsible with who I sexually get involved with! I'm not a chronic dick sucker for Christ's sake and hearing things like gonorrhea, syphilis or chlamydia is really frightening, especially when I'm not fucking around... I get sick, like every human being does. What does sucking dick have to do with a runny nose anyway?!

Please tell me I'm not alone here.

THINK: Feminism is Too Black and White

I know I haven't written in a while. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not dead. I've been swamped with freelance projects and job hunting, but I decided to make some time for a new blog post.

Sometime last week, a group of feminists were selling baked goods. None of their stuff looked appetizing to me at all, so I opted out, but a couple of my friends went for the soggy cup cakes.

When I saw that they were charging men $1.00 and women $.75 for the same item, I became slightly irritated. I understood why they were charging men more and was quite impressed at first. Statistically speaking, men make more money than women do, so they scaled up their prices accordingly. However, as I thought more about it, I felt like they were generalizing.

What would they charge someone who doesn't fit society's gender standards? What about someone who is transgendered or gay? Or, someone who's of a different ethnic background?

Let's call it for what it is: there are many, many other classes of people who don't have equal privileges. It's not just about man/woman. Because of that huge gap in their feminist campaign, I really felt like saying something to them as a black man (and a gay one at that), but I kept my mouth shut.

Although I'm not completely out of the closet at work, I know for a fact that racial oppression affects my salary (among other things). How? I have a larger skill set (less experience) than the next guy, but I don't get nearly as much respect or compensation. With that being said, don't I have the right to a price break?

Not to mention, with the cupcakes and brownies these girls were selling, it seems to me like they were contradicting themselves. The last thing a feminist wants to be seen as is a kitchen-bound wench.

Just something to think about.

STORY: Nut from the Past

Holy shit, I cannot believe my eyes. I'm sitting here watching "Kitchen Knightmares," a reality show about failing restaurants which world-renown chef Gordon Ramsey tries to rescue, and one of the waiters looks VERY familiar. In a candid interview, the name "Phillip" pops up on the screen and then I began to realize who he was.

Quite a few years back -- I was either fresh out of college or finishing up my senior year (I really can't remember) -- Phillip and I met through one of those obscure dating sites. We spent many nights chatting online and a couple of times talking on the phone.

He was a few years younger than me and was planning on starting college in New York City if he wasn't already a semester or two in. He should have graduated by now, not that I really care, but I find the coincidence kinda funny.

While he carried himself very well on the show, the last I can remember of this guy is that he was a total loon and I mean a LOON. I should have known from his voice mail recording... Instead of there being the expected "leave a message after the beep," there was an obnoxiously loud recording of monkeys scrrreaming. Who does that?

Anyway, things hit the wall real fast when I realized how odd it was that he refused to call me after 7 or 8pm. It had nothing to do with his phone plan or his minutes. Allegedly, he was "afraid of the phone." If I called him when it was dark, he wouldn't pick up.

Weeiirrrdoooo! Control, alt, delete on THAT one!