My coworker and I jet out of the office at 4:00 to head to the beach for some volleyball. We were there for quite some time before two guys named Jeff and Jordan approached us to play a game. We jumped at the offer and made our friendly introductions.
Jeff was rather quiet at first and a bit older than Jordan. He seemed like a cool, low-key guy. Jordan, on the other hand, was a bit more comical and outspoken. After most likely having a decent bod, Jordan obviously let himself go, but still had the typical jock's confidence. He was a heavy smoker and a bit glib as most guys like that are, but I had no problem with him. Until...
While my coworker stepped away for some reason (probably to check his bag), I thought I'd start a friendly conversation with the two of them. It quickly shifted when Jordan asked me if one of the girls lying on the beach was hot. I honestly didn't know, so I told him I didn't notice.
"How could you NOT notice?," he asked in confusion. I shrugged and told him I just simply didn't notice. At that point, I assumed Jordan was single and suffering from a major case of "blue balls," but I was in no mood to deal with any straight bullshit (if you know what I mean) and wanted to change the subject.
Hoping he'd drop it, I leaned over to pull a Vitamin Water out of my bag, but before I could stand up, he says "How do you not notice females? What are you NOT hetero or something? Or is it a big question mark?"
I could tell he wasn't really joking by the tone of his voice and I didn't like it. I held back my tongue just in case he was an asshole. It took me a while to respond, because all I could do was look at him.
'Why would he ask me that and what does that have to do with anything?,' I thought. I was a bit panicked because I knew he was a chauvinist pig and probably a homophobe too and I didn't quite know how to reply. "You know what, Jordan? Let's just say it's a BIIIIG question mark," I snarkily replied.
I was so fuckin' mad, I can't remember what happened for the next 10 minutes, but I do know that his comment fucked up my attitude and ruined my fun. I regained control of myself after the first couple of games, but didn't forget what he said.
A lot of people might say "why the fuck do you care about his comment?" I care because there was no reason for it and he does not know me like that. Because I didn't notice this ONE chick out to the hundreds that were on the beach, he assumed something was wrong with me and decided to point it out in such a way that was condescending and disrespectful.
Mind you, I don't even notice most guys in a public setting, unless he's ridiculously hot. Was I supposed to be his pussy scout or something? I charge for services like that, but I came to the beach for one reason and that was to play volleyball. And that's what I was ready to do.
I can't stand it when straight men feel like they have to beat their chests and assert their manhood, especially when they need to put others down. Personally, I don't givva shit how many women they fuck (or want to fuck) 'cause it doesn't make 'em more of a man to me. It really, really doesn't.
On a side note, "gay" does not mean I won't or can't whoop a straight man's ass. I'm still a guy and I'm still loaded with testosterone, so they need to know how to come correct or it'll will be brought to their door step and straight from NY at that.
In this situation, I kept it cool. Yeah, I probably could have checked him or proudly have said, "yes, I'm gay damn it," but the fact of the matter is, it was none of his business. While I hate to lie about it, I'm not going to put myself in potential danger. Been there, done that.
He knew I was ticked off because I was visibly annoyed and had a hard time hiding it. I kept cool though, and pulled through because in the end, I played an awesome game and looked GOOD doing it.
As my coworker and I packed up to leave, Jordan privately called me over to apologize. I was afraid he was going to pry into my business at first, but he was sincerely sorry for being a douche bag and I accepted his apology.
I give him credit for admitting he was out of line and stepping up to rectify the situation. THAT is what makes a man a man and as of 11:33pm, I'm mostly over it because I learned something today and so did he.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
TIP: 1-800-DIVORCE
When people hear the word "divorce," they automatically assume a dissolved marriage, but a divorce can also apply to much broader terms. For example, you can divorce a deceiving friend or a bad boyfriend and the beauty behind that is, you don't need a lawyer to do so.
This world is full of trash and it's unhealthy to let it pile up. That's why it's important that we come to a realization of our self-worth. At some point in our lives, we must be able to recognize poison or we'll end up being taken advantage of, used or even abused.
Whether you're stuck with a scummy boyfriend or a flaky friend, these techniques help you sever ties and start anew without the sting of emotional turmoil.
For starters, the concept is simple: cut a bitch off, but don't tell them you're doing it. It'll make them feel like they've just been served papers. Ouch! But, you'll know for sure you made the right decision if they don't even notice.
Timing is important. I always try to rectify a bad situation before executing a divorce. Politely state your limitations, wants and needs, but be honest, consistent, fair and willing to compromise. After all, life is a two-way street. If things remain at a plateau (meaning your friend/mate won't budge), it's time for a divorce.
Why divorce? Your self-esteem, self-worth and overall well-being is not worth someone else's gain. If you're being taken advantage of, chronically disrespected or walked over, a divorce is in order. Period. No human being deserves to be exploited, but it happens. The trick is recognizing when it happens and doing something about it.
STRATEGY 1: DEAL WITH YOUR PHONE
Remove the bitch's number out of your phone IMMEDIATELY so that when he or she calls, you won't necessarily recognize who it is. Should they call after the fact, answer it like you would with any other stranger. Or, just don't pick up at all.
Furthermore, delete all traces of their existence, including saved pictures, videos, text messages, voice mails and outgoing calls. Delete it ALL! The last thing you need is leftover "residue." Shit is shit no matter how small it is, so while you're at it, you might as well Lysol your phone too.
*** ADVICE FROM THE HIGHER ROAD *** It's smart to take the high road after a divorce. Sever ties with class. If lines of communication must remain open, be professional, but distant. However, continue to be honest and real with what's on your mind.
STRATEGY 2: DEAL WITH YOUR COMPUTER
Delete all saved and outgoing e-mail messages, pictures, videos, IM conversations and other traces. Then, empty your trash/recycle bin to it all straight to cyber hell, where Steve Jobs and Bill Gates will take a full shit on it.
Trash all related bookmarks and favorites. Un-friend his ass on Facebook and MySpace, and delete him off your instant messenger buddy list. Clear your Internet browser's cache to get rid of any digital residue, such as a saved profile or picture URL.
STRATEGY 3: DEAL WITH YOUR SURROUNDINGS
Get rid of anything and everything that he gave you. If it's worth money, sell it or give it away if it's not. "Leftovers" or memorabilia will only resurface bitter feelings. Remember, the underlying point of a divorce is to forget and move on. Shred photos, cards and letters and return his personal belongings. Wrap them up in a black garbage bag and leave that shit on his doorstep. Leave no note. Just the bag.
STRATEGY 4: DEAL WITH YOUR MIND
Turn away and don't look back. Dwelling in the past will keep you there, so look forward because bigger and better things await. The fewer reminders you have lying around, the easier it will be to move forward.
Listen to music. It'll help you get through the turmoil and grow from any bad experiences.
Get out. Go the club or the bar and meet new people. Go see a movie or try a new restaurant.
Reflect on yourself in a calming space. Think about where you've come from and where or who you want to be. You'll probably discover you've raised your standards and deserve better.
Go shopping. Buy yourself some new clothes as you enter the next chapter of your life.
If you're a real-ass ----- in a fake-ass world. What do you do? Get it together and move forward.
This world is full of trash and it's unhealthy to let it pile up. That's why it's important that we come to a realization of our self-worth. At some point in our lives, we must be able to recognize poison or we'll end up being taken advantage of, used or even abused.
Whether you're stuck with a scummy boyfriend or a flaky friend, these techniques help you sever ties and start anew without the sting of emotional turmoil.
For starters, the concept is simple: cut a bitch off, but don't tell them you're doing it. It'll make them feel like they've just been served papers. Ouch! But, you'll know for sure you made the right decision if they don't even notice.
Timing is important. I always try to rectify a bad situation before executing a divorce. Politely state your limitations, wants and needs, but be honest, consistent, fair and willing to compromise. After all, life is a two-way street. If things remain at a plateau (meaning your friend/mate won't budge), it's time for a divorce.
Why divorce? Your self-esteem, self-worth and overall well-being is not worth someone else's gain. If you're being taken advantage of, chronically disrespected or walked over, a divorce is in order. Period. No human being deserves to be exploited, but it happens. The trick is recognizing when it happens and doing something about it.
STRATEGY 1: DEAL WITH YOUR PHONE
Remove the bitch's number out of your phone IMMEDIATELY so that when he or she calls, you won't necessarily recognize who it is. Should they call after the fact, answer it like you would with any other stranger. Or, just don't pick up at all.
Furthermore, delete all traces of their existence, including saved pictures, videos, text messages, voice mails and outgoing calls. Delete it ALL! The last thing you need is leftover "residue." Shit is shit no matter how small it is, so while you're at it, you might as well Lysol your phone too.
*** ADVICE FROM THE HIGHER ROAD *** It's smart to take the high road after a divorce. Sever ties with class. If lines of communication must remain open, be professional, but distant. However, continue to be honest and real with what's on your mind.
STRATEGY 2: DEAL WITH YOUR COMPUTER
Delete all saved and outgoing e-mail messages, pictures, videos, IM conversations and other traces. Then, empty your trash/recycle bin to it all straight to cyber hell, where Steve Jobs and Bill Gates will take a full shit on it.
Trash all related bookmarks and favorites. Un-friend his ass on Facebook and MySpace, and delete him off your instant messenger buddy list. Clear your Internet browser's cache to get rid of any digital residue, such as a saved profile or picture URL.
STRATEGY 3: DEAL WITH YOUR SURROUNDINGS
Get rid of anything and everything that he gave you. If it's worth money, sell it or give it away if it's not. "Leftovers" or memorabilia will only resurface bitter feelings. Remember, the underlying point of a divorce is to forget and move on. Shred photos, cards and letters and return his personal belongings. Wrap them up in a black garbage bag and leave that shit on his doorstep. Leave no note. Just the bag.
STRATEGY 4: DEAL WITH YOUR MIND
Turn away and don't look back. Dwelling in the past will keep you there, so look forward because bigger and better things await. The fewer reminders you have lying around, the easier it will be to move forward.
Listen to music. It'll help you get through the turmoil and grow from any bad experiences.
Get out. Go the club or the bar and meet new people. Go see a movie or try a new restaurant.
Reflect on yourself in a calming space. Think about where you've come from and where or who you want to be. You'll probably discover you've raised your standards and deserve better.
Go shopping. Buy yourself some new clothes as you enter the next chapter of your life.
If you're a real-ass ----- in a fake-ass world. What do you do? Get it together and move forward.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
STORY: I Might Even Stuff My Underwear
I really don't understand what's going on. I'm in a complicated situation that I'm going to do my best to simplify and explain.
First of all, when I moved here a couple of years ago, I met new people through my coworker, one of which is his band's drummer. We'll call him "T" for now. "T" is seemingly happily married and just had a kid, but after some speculation and bizarre conversations, it wasn't until Thursday where I noticed he might not be as straight as he wants us all to think.
I had not come out to him or any other mutual friends until last week, but it was a running joke between us to make passes at each other. For example, he might say he wanted to make out or I'd wink at him and we'd laugh it off. No big deal. However, things became really weird last week.
A bunch of us were at the bar, so obviously alcohol was involved, but I remained sober. After declaring to me and several people that he wanted to put me in a box, take me home and rub himself all over me, eyebrows started to raise. I didn't think he was serious, but sexual comments kept coming. I didn't quite know how to react. I was officially thrown off guard when he admitted to probably being able to received head from me. HA!
I began to sense that he was trying to get me to come out, so I did, but I kept a poker face. I was comfortable coming out, but I didn't want him to think that he had the upper hand. He probably did, but he was totally cool about it and insisted that he knew "all along." Riiight.
After a 20-minute conversation about his lesbian mother (who doesn't identify as a lesbian), he aggressively suggested that I was very handsome... "pretty" is the word he used and it came out of the blue. I found it odd that a straight guy would say that LIKE that. He was totally serious and obviously a bit liquored up, but you know what they say: alcohol is a personalty enhancer.
I had no reason to question his sexuality until my coworker and his wife told me a week later that "T" was apparently very intrigued by me when he and I first met over a year ago. Allegedly, "T" confessed that I was fairly good looking and "IF" he were gay, I'd be the kind of guy he'd go for. They also noticed little passes he was making to me ever since, but I'm to dense to ever pick up on shit like that, so I didn't realize it. Now, straight boys don't do that shit... am I right?
As part of the same conversation after the night at the bar, I find out that one of "T's" female friends was going behind my back and telling my coworker's wife that I was jealous of her because of all the attention she was giving "T." Wow. Funny, but not even close. I was giving "T" dirty looks because he was being fresh and knew it.
The funny part is, these people are well over the age of 30. I'm the youngest and the only one that's single. Both my coworker and his wife think he's gay or bi and DEFINITELY wants me. I'm just not sure what the fuck to think!
Let me just say that he's NOT the type of guy I would go for and since he's married with a kid, I wouldn't go there anyway. He's got a hot body, but that's about it.
Anyway, the three of us came to the conclusion that "T" has some sort of fascination with gay sex as they've seen many signs way before I did. It's possible that he needs some sort of male affection since that void has been missing in his life -- yet another long story. Maybe he thinks he can get it from me, whether it's sexual or not, as long as it's male attention. I have no idea. I ain't Dr. Phil.
I will tell you this: I'm going to get to the bottom of it (in my own way) by testing him. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to dangle the carrot and I guess do what you would call "mind games," but I just want to know what his deal is. Will he take the bait? The bait...
The next time we all get together, I plan on wearing a little extra cologne, a tighter shirt and maybe wear my shorts down lower than usual just to see if it triggers something. I might even stuff my underwear. Should he take the bait, I'm not going to act upon it or pursue anything. I'm not a home wrecker, but I'll have to be as coy as possible. I'll keep you posted!
First of all, when I moved here a couple of years ago, I met new people through my coworker, one of which is his band's drummer. We'll call him "T" for now. "T" is seemingly happily married and just had a kid, but after some speculation and bizarre conversations, it wasn't until Thursday where I noticed he might not be as straight as he wants us all to think.
I had not come out to him or any other mutual friends until last week, but it was a running joke between us to make passes at each other. For example, he might say he wanted to make out or I'd wink at him and we'd laugh it off. No big deal. However, things became really weird last week.
A bunch of us were at the bar, so obviously alcohol was involved, but I remained sober. After declaring to me and several people that he wanted to put me in a box, take me home and rub himself all over me, eyebrows started to raise. I didn't think he was serious, but sexual comments kept coming. I didn't quite know how to react. I was officially thrown off guard when he admitted to probably being able to received head from me. HA!
I began to sense that he was trying to get me to come out, so I did, but I kept a poker face. I was comfortable coming out, but I didn't want him to think that he had the upper hand. He probably did, but he was totally cool about it and insisted that he knew "all along." Riiight.
After a 20-minute conversation about his lesbian mother (who doesn't identify as a lesbian), he aggressively suggested that I was very handsome... "pretty" is the word he used and it came out of the blue. I found it odd that a straight guy would say that LIKE that. He was totally serious and obviously a bit liquored up, but you know what they say: alcohol is a personalty enhancer.
I had no reason to question his sexuality until my coworker and his wife told me a week later that "T" was apparently very intrigued by me when he and I first met over a year ago. Allegedly, "T" confessed that I was fairly good looking and "IF" he were gay, I'd be the kind of guy he'd go for. They also noticed little passes he was making to me ever since, but I'm to dense to ever pick up on shit like that, so I didn't realize it. Now, straight boys don't do that shit... am I right?
As part of the same conversation after the night at the bar, I find out that one of "T's" female friends was going behind my back and telling my coworker's wife that I was jealous of her because of all the attention she was giving "T." Wow. Funny, but not even close. I was giving "T" dirty looks because he was being fresh and knew it.
The funny part is, these people are well over the age of 30. I'm the youngest and the only one that's single. Both my coworker and his wife think he's gay or bi and DEFINITELY wants me. I'm just not sure what the fuck to think!
Let me just say that he's NOT the type of guy I would go for and since he's married with a kid, I wouldn't go there anyway. He's got a hot body, but that's about it.
Anyway, the three of us came to the conclusion that "T" has some sort of fascination with gay sex as they've seen many signs way before I did. It's possible that he needs some sort of male affection since that void has been missing in his life -- yet another long story. Maybe he thinks he can get it from me, whether it's sexual or not, as long as it's male attention. I have no idea. I ain't Dr. Phil.
I will tell you this: I'm going to get to the bottom of it (in my own way) by testing him. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to dangle the carrot and I guess do what you would call "mind games," but I just want to know what his deal is. Will he take the bait? The bait...
The next time we all get together, I plan on wearing a little extra cologne, a tighter shirt and maybe wear my shorts down lower than usual just to see if it triggers something. I might even stuff my underwear. Should he take the bait, I'm not going to act upon it or pursue anything. I'm not a home wrecker, but I'll have to be as coy as possible. I'll keep you posted!
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