Bitch 'n Moan: Latest Date

Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me, but then I realize I live in Connecticut.

About a month ago, I was approached by a guy on Gay.com (my latest guilty pleasure) who saw me in a chat room. He is older than what I'm seeking, but I decided to chat anyway. Guess what? Things went well. We later talked on the phone and yadda, yadda, yadda.

Our first date was awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better time. I was really glad to know he was in search of a serious relationship, but taking it slow. He confided a lot in me and made me feel like he was really interested in the core of my being.

Low and behold, by the second date, he became a little self absorbed. I probably got a total of 10 words in edge wise, but I figured he just needed to talk. So, I listened. A day or two later, I got that bad feeling.

Sure enough, his text messages slowed, the compliments stopped and the flirting came to a hault. I knew something was up, so I tried to figure out why, but he wasn't taking the bait. Mind you, this was after he claimed to be completely honest and communicative. I was experiencing the opposite.

I was in the mindset of taking a romantic path, but unfortunately, he was not and I knew that without him even telling me. I was hurt because he didn't tell me where his mind was. So, I decided to call him before we met up for a third time and drag out of him where he saw things going.

"Just friends."

That's where he left it. Being friends was fine by me (and still is), but I was pissed. Here I was making all of these romantic gestures while they meant nothing. Not to mention, he was making me feel like there was something good going on with all the hand holding, touching and kissing. It was for nothing.

He should have let me know sooner, but he wasn't living up to his own standards and now he's treating me like men have treated him in the past. That's okay. He's damn lucky I didn't develop strong feelings for him.

I already let him know I'm happy to be friends, but he's going to be TREATED like one. That means, no more intimacy, flirting and romance. You can't have your cake and eat it too...

And now that he's not getting the full deluxe package, he's now a ghost... as I expected.

I used to believe that I was a bad person. I'm not. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy that gets all the bitches.

Spotting a Liar

You might have guessed by now that I'm a big advocate for telling the truth. I was raised that way and the older I get, the less patience I have to weed through bullshit.

For quite some time now, I've seen more and more "older" men lie about their age. While I hate using the term "older" because of the negative connotations attached to it, I don't believe age (on either end of the spectrum) is a bad thing. However, it is what it is.

My online dating profiles clearly indicate that I'm seeking men who are 23-34. While I have my reasons, I'm not going to get into why I have that criteria right now, but I do want to address the men who lie about their age, especially after having read my profile.

Some men believe age is "irrelevant" because it's "nothing but a number. Others think they can get more attention if they present themselves as a younger man. Either way, it's still deceitful and anyone who starts a relationship with a lie (white or not) should immediately be cut off.

Trickery is unacceptable and any man who has to hide his truth from others is not someone you want to be involved with. Period. Plus, it's a waste of time.

So... How do you spot an older liar?

1. They might THINK they can fool you, but a 47 year old man does not look 31. Use your common sense. If you're still unsure, ask him to reveal his birth year to you during a real-time conversation (like IM or chat). If it takes him more than 3 seconds to respond, he's covering his tracks.

2. If the age on his profile doesn't match what he tells you, he's probably lying. "Oh, I didn't realize it says 36 on my profile" and "I haven't been online in a while" are a couple of the most common lines of bullshit. Most active internet users are aware of what their profile says and most inactive internet users update their information after an extended hiatus. If the age indicated on his profile isn't accurate, there are probably other things that aren't accurate either.

3. If he doesn't list an age on his profile, he's fully aware that it holds him back. That's why it's not there. Any man who has nothing to hide won't hide.

4. Men who try to hide their age will often avoid the question and change the subject. Or, they'll bluntly say they don't want to tell you. When men make a big issue out of revealing their age, you can count on other hidden secrets they don't want you to know.

5. We are in a digital age and there should be no reason why a man doesn't have a current DIGITAL photograph of himself. Scanned photo prints scream mid 2000s or earlier -- before digital cameras became affordable and popular. A man who has a scanned photo (and only a scanned photo) up is probably 5-10 years older than he says he is.

Good luck boys.

BITCH-N-MOAN: Doctors

I don't know about you, but whenever I go to see the doctor for something as common as the sniffles or a sore throat, they automatically assume I've been sucking dick. It's bad enough having to come out, let alone come out to a complete stranger who's in charge of monitoring your health, but it's even worse when your doctor tries to diagnose you as a whore.

There have been a few times I've gone to see the doctor about a bad sore throat or a sinus infection. A simple prescription will take care of the problem, but the doctors that know I'm gay will jump right into asking me about my sex life. Sometimes as far as how many sexual partners I'm involved with or if I swallow. The doctors I have not come out to will ask typical, generic medical questions, such as "are you currently on any prescribed medications." Now, why is that?

Are gay men so vile and disgusting that we have our own set of prerequisite medical questions? DAMN. Can't I just have a cold? Why do I have to be sucking all this dick?

Don't get me wrong, I can be a bad boy at times, but God damn it -- I'm very responsible with who I sexually get involved with! I'm not a chronic dick sucker for Christ's sake and hearing things like gonorrhea, syphilis or chlamydia is really frightening, especially when I'm not fucking around... I get sick, like every human being does. What does sucking dick have to do with a runny nose anyway?!

Please tell me I'm not alone here.

BITCH-N-MOAN: What's Really Important?

You might think I complain too much, but as I was standing in my kitchen making banana bread a few minutes ago, I was thinking about priorities and values.

The first question a guy might ask you is "what you into?" I really hate that fuckin' question. It's usually followed by: "how big is your dick?"; "are you a top or a bottom?"; or "can you unlock your photos?," which gets old quick.

Don't get me wrong. It's flattering to receive compliments and even some dirty attention SOMETIMES, but God damn it, doesn't it make more sense to ask for a job status or long-term goals rather than "how big"?

Christ. The smell of vanilla and ripe bananas made me ask myself why guys focus on a quick fix rather than finding a guy that can actually PROVIDE. Why not appreciate a dude that knows how to cook and use a washing machine? Think about that.

Priorities, people. Nice guys may finish last or not at all, but the whores just whore. What good comes out of short-term?

I'd rather spend time and energy on someone who can provide a positive environment; someone who values the significance of human interaction and contributing to the well-being of life. Wouldn't you?

BITCH-N-MOAN: What Happened to Courtship?

What ever happened to courtship and chivalry? Nowadays, it seems like a lot of guys don't care enough to put any effort into courting someone their interested in.

The attitude is that "I shouldn't have to work for what I want from you." In other cases, it's "I don't have to prove myself to you." Maybe that's true. There are a lot of guys out there who are willing to bend over for next to nothing. Not me.

I'm probably naive or just speaking from mediocre personal experiences, but the lack of companionship within our "community" appears to be dwindling -- and I use the term "community" loosely. A lot of men want to skip dinner and a movie and jump right into bed, but I personally take note of the smaller things a guy does to capture and hold my attention, such as calling "just to say hi" or sending text or picture messages. And the favor is returned.

Now, I'm no perfect 10 and no God's gift, but I like to be chased after or at least shown a genuine interest in who I am and what I'm all about. In return, I'll do the same and that makes the whole experience of dating much more worthwhile.

I'm not here to say hooking up is a bad thing. Everybody has their own needs, including myself, but hooking up and having sex doesn't always fill the void.

Courting can be a double-edged sword, however. It either happens TOO much or not enough at all. For one thing, I can't stand it when a guy who I just met calls me several times a day, but on the other hand, it annoys me to hear nothing from him at all, especially if there was a connection on our date.

There used to be a day when a first date would close with a "thank you, I had a wonderful time. I'd like to see you again." Now, it closes with "let's go to your apartment." I've been stupid enough to fall for that line many times, but I'm growing sick and tired of the one-nighters.

I'm learning that I'm not just piece of dick and I need to stay true to myself. I deserve to be fought after (damn it!) -- we all do -- and no guy deserves to get what he wants until he puts in the work. PERIOD.