TIP: 1-800-DIVORCE

When people hear the word "divorce," they automatically assume a dissolved marriage, but a divorce can also apply to much broader terms. For example, you can divorce a deceiving friend or a bad boyfriend and the beauty behind that is, you don't need a lawyer to do so.

This world is full of trash and it's unhealthy to let it pile up. That's why it's important that we come to a realization of our self-worth. At some point in our lives, we must be able to recognize poison or we'll end up being taken advantage of, used or even abused.

Whether you're stuck with a scummy boyfriend or a flaky friend, these techniques help you sever ties and start anew without the sting of emotional turmoil.

For starters, the concept is simple: cut a bitch off, but don't tell them you're doing it. It'll make them feel like they've just been served papers. Ouch! But, you'll know for sure you made the right decision if they don't even notice.

Timing is important. I always try to rectify a bad situation before executing a divorce. Politely state your limitations, wants and needs, but be honest, consistent, fair and willing to compromise. After all, life is a two-way street. If things remain at a plateau (meaning your friend/mate won't budge), it's time for a divorce.

Why divorce? Your self-esteem, self-worth and overall well-being is not worth someone else's gain. If you're being taken advantage of, chronically disrespected or walked over, a divorce is in order. Period. No human being deserves to be exploited, but it happens. The trick is recognizing when it happens and doing something about it.

STRATEGY 1: DEAL WITH YOUR PHONE
Remove the bitch's number out of your phone IMMEDIATELY so that when he or she calls, you won't necessarily recognize who it is. Should they call after the fact, answer it like you would with any other stranger. Or, just don't pick up at all.

Furthermore, delete all traces of their existence, including saved pictures, videos, text messages, voice mails and outgoing calls. Delete it ALL! The last thing you need is leftover "residue." Shit is shit no matter how small it is, so while you're at it, you might as well Lysol your phone too.

*** ADVICE FROM THE HIGHER ROAD *** It's smart to take the high road after a divorce. Sever ties with class. If lines of communication must remain open, be professional, but distant. However, continue to be honest and real with what's on your mind.

STRATEGY 2: DEAL WITH YOUR COMPUTER
Delete all saved and outgoing e-mail messages, pictures, videos, IM conversations and other traces. Then, empty your trash/recycle bin to it all straight to cyber hell, where Steve Jobs and Bill Gates will take a full shit on it.

Trash all related bookmarks and favorites. Un-friend his ass on Facebook and MySpace, and delete him off your instant messenger buddy list. Clear your Internet browser's cache to get rid of any digital residue, such as a saved profile or picture URL.

STRATEGY 3: DEAL WITH YOUR SURROUNDINGS
Get rid of anything and everything that he gave you. If it's worth money, sell it or give it away if it's not. "Leftovers" or memorabilia will only resurface bitter feelings. Remember, the underlying point of a divorce is to forget and move on. Shred photos, cards and letters and return his personal belongings. Wrap them up in a black garbage bag and leave that shit on his doorstep. Leave no note. Just the bag.

STRATEGY 4: DEAL WITH YOUR MIND
Turn away and don't look back. Dwelling in the past will keep you there, so look forward because bigger and better things await. The fewer reminders you have lying around, the easier it will be to move forward.

Listen to music. It'll help you get through the turmoil and grow from any bad experiences.

Get out. Go the club or the bar and meet new people. Go see a movie or try a new restaurant.

Reflect on yourself in a calming space. Think about where you've come from and where or who you want to be. You'll probably discover you've raised your standards and deserve better.

Go shopping. Buy yourself some new clothes as you enter the next chapter of your life.

If you're a real-ass ----- in a fake-ass world. What do you do? Get it together and move forward.