NEWS: Featured on Hunk Du Jour blog

I spend a lot of time candidly talking about personal experiences and other people, but I was approached by Hunk Du Jour (www.hunkdujour.com) a couple of weeks ago for an interview. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Hunk Du Jour, it is a daily blog that contains photos, interviews and profiles of "noteworthy" men.

I didn't know what to think at first -- never in a million years would I have thought of myself as being "noteworthy" (in the grand scheme of things). I figured I had nothing to lose, so I answered a series of their questions and the full interview was posted earlier today.

Special thanks to the Hunk Du Jour team for choosing me out of the millions of better looking guys out there.

You can read my interview "Reality Connoisseur," at www.hunkdujour.com/blog/archives/2008/09/brandon_aka_redlantern_reality.asp or check out the rest of Hunk Du Jour at www.hunkdujour.com.

DListers may leave comments under my Hunk Du Jour photo.

WTF?: HIV Wake-Up Call

An article, entitled "CDC: Blacks, gays at high risk for HIV infections," was posted on CNN today with the latest HIV infection statistics. According to studies made by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, young black males men, black females and white gay males, between 30-40, are much more likely to be infected with HIV than any other groups in the United States.

The article also reports more CDCP statistics, one of which shows that "53 percent of the estimated 56,000 cases of new HIV infections in 2006 were among gay and bisexual men, and 46 percent of the infections occurred among blacks."

If that's not a wake up call, I don't know what is.

"White gay and bisexual men account for close to half of HIV incidences," the article states. "Based on incidence estimates released last month, we already know that African Americans overall accounted for 45 percent of new HIV infections in 2006, while representing only 12 percent of the U.S. population," said Richard Wolitski, acting director, Division of HIV/AIDS Prevention at CDC.

If you didn't catch that, half of the estimated HIV infections are among gay and bi men in general. Half of that is among Black Americans. I'm not good at math, but I think that means Black Americans account for one quarter of HIV/AIDS infections.

The two constituencies of gay/bisexual men and Black Americans make up a small percentage of the population, yet the infection rates are through the roof. These figures are real, but they don't necessarily account for unreported cases. Even then, the estimated HIV infections were much, much worse than experts anticipated.

I write this blog to get people to wake the fuck up. While some of these cases are due to a lack of health care, education and access to prevention methods, we must also look at our behavior.

Ask yourself how many men you've slept with in the past two years. Ask yourself if you use protection. Then, ask yourself if you truly trust your boyfriend. I will be doing the same.

Read more here: CDC: Blacks, gays at high risk for HIV infections

HATE MAIL! Vol. 1

Let's face it. I can be stubborn, glib and opinionated at times, but that's just part of the deal. I ain't perfect -- this I know -- but I will make NO apologies for not being pristine. Because I put myself out there so boldly, I often receive unsolicited hate mail from time to time.

This message in particular is a good example of why I (a) don't have many gay friends and (b) have a higher divorce rate than Hollywood.

I received this message from a random Adam4Adam user, who send me a two messages in a row reacting to what I wrote in my profile. What I have written there isn't much different than what I have on DList.

ADAM4ADAM USER:
"pah leeeeeeeze stop thinking yu dah bomb ;;;cause yur not;;;;;;;;;;;;tha bum yes;;;; tha bomb ----nope"

MY RESPONSE:
"What the fuck are you talking about, asshole? I never proclaimed I was 'tha bomb.'"

At this point, I realized he sent me another message:

ADAM4ADAM USER:
"yu look like u just came from the nearest shelter;;;take yo dirty nasty trashy ass back to tha shelter;; yu cum here putting down yo gibberish;;yu lucky if yu can find a dog that will like yo butt crack niggah;;;stop trying to disrespect peeps here;;old is not bad;yur young and look at yu yur busted like a roll of butter bisquicks"

MY RESPONSE:
"First of all, douche-bag, I never ONCE said old was 'bad.' I said it's not what I'm looking for, so don't get all high and mighty and put words in my mouth, cause I'll spit it right back at ya. At least I was up front.

Second of all, regardless of what my preferences are, I wouldn't go for you ANYWAY. You can barely speak properly -- let alone type -- and for the record, I don't like having my ass licked anyway, so get your facts straight.

Lastly, fuck off and get a life. You're obviously ghetto, bitter and mean-spirited, which means your age isn't the problem here. You are far from being a real 'man' and you lack class. Way to go, asshole."

Normally, I ignore these kinds of messages, but I felt the need to respond to this particular one for several reasons:
1. He needed to know who he was messing with.
2. He needed a crash course in semantics.
3. Even though I stooped to his level, he needed to be taught how to debate like an intelligent human being.
4. He needed to be shown that his age was irrelevant after he displayed his fucked-up attitude.
5. I might have a smaller stature than him, but that doesn't mean I won't set him straight so hard, he'll forget he was gay.

I mean, come on. Did he really think he was gonna hurt me?

If you'd like to send me hate mail, e-mail chinatownchaos@gmail.com.

THE BIG O: Poppers

WARNING: SOAPBOX OPINION. This is a matter of raw thought and opinion. What you choose to do in your bedroom is your own business as what I do in mine is my business. Please be advised.

Poppers. What the fuck are they? "Poppers" are various forms of alkyl nitrites, which are used for sexual and recreational purposes through direct inhalation. The nitrates apparently relax the body's muscles, including the sphincter muscles of the anus, and cause the blood vessels to dilate.

When blood vessels dilate, blood pressure drops, but the heart rate increases and blood rushes to the brain. This creates an rushing effect of heat and excitement, which is said to enhance sexual pleasure.

I have never tried poppers nor do I plan to, so I can't comment on whether they're effective or not, but I can tell you that I cannot think of a more unsexy thing to do in the bedroom. Really.

In the heat of the moment, while taking our clothes off, opening the condom package and lubing up, the LAST thing I want to do is wait for a guy to unscrew a black cap to a small brown bottle, block one of his nasal passages and inhale like Lindsay Lohan at Club Whore.

First of all, I take poppers as a slap to the face. I don't know about you, but if I'm not good enough to bring upon an exhilarating sexual experience, what's the point in doing anything at all? Light some candles. Buy some massage oil. Try some foreplay. Shouldn't that work?

Maybe not. If you ask me, poppers are the cure for the male erection and they're SUCH a daddy/bear thing to do. Ew!

If we're cuddling while watching a movie, do I REALLY want his bottle of poppers is poking me in the side? Not cute. If I cut my finger and go into the medicine cabinet for a band aid, do I really want to deal with knocking over 6 bottles into the sink?

I think not.

If you're a frequent popper user, that's totally on you. I'm just letting you know what it looks like from the outside looking in, 'cause it looks like you're snorting coke. And the red rim it leaves around your flared nostrils isn't necessarily sexy either.

So, before you pull out the brown bottle to dilate your asshole, veins and eye pupils, think about the reverse effect it's having on your partner!

LOL: Dating Interview

Know what? I am stick and tired of guys overselling themselves and making me feel like it's my fault when they come up short. So from now on, I'm going to treat my dates like a job interview. Yup, that's right... and you might want to consider doing the same.

The way I see it, dating should be a mutual experience; a two-way street. Proving oneself is NOT a one-man deal (see blog post Courtship) because BOTH parties should work towards establishing a connection. However, if there's nothing there, there's nothing there, but that's a different story.

Personally, I don't like having my time wasted or enduring a shitty situation, so if I can avoid those things, I'll do so as early as possible. One way is to cut the shit, get RIGHT to the point and ask for his resume. Why the hell not?

DATING INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

Why are you here and why me?
What are your strengths and areas in need of improvement?
Can I afford you?
What skills and characteristics do you have to offer?
Why did you leave your last boyfriend?
Are you dating other people?
Are you a team player?
What is your philosophy towards relationships?
Have you ever been asked to leave a relationship?
What is your ability to have a relationship under pressure?
Are you willing to put in overtime? Nights? Weekends?
Would you be willing to relocate if required?
What have you learned from mistakes made in past relationships?
Have you had a situation where you had to solve a difficult problem with an ex?
What household appliances are you familiar with?
How long have you been looking for a date?
What kinds of people do you have difficulty having a relationship with?
What have your past relationship experiences been like?
How would you be an asset to a relationship?
How do you motivate loved ones?
What do you do when you're having trouble with a boyfriend?
What extracurricular activities are you involved in?
How many past relationships have you had in the last 5 years?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
What is your personal mission statement?
Give me an example of a time you did something wrong. How did you handle it?
Do you prefer working on a team or by yourself?
Do you have any questions for me?

From the sound of it, I'd say these are perfectly reasonable questions and depending on their answers, you or I will be able to determine if our date is an asshole or not. It's important to spot a fake or potential trouble as EARLY as possible so that a sticky situation can be avoided.

Having a date tell me what I want to hear isn't the same as what I NEED to hear, nor is it the same as what he THINKS I want to hear. You see? Again, what's not there is not there.

I'm somewhat of a human lie-detector, so I'm lucky, but if you're not, here's a tip: if something doesn't make sense, it's probably NOT true. That's what Judge Judy always says. Aside from that, I don't know about you, but I don't want a guy who can't operate a dishwasher. Sorry buddy, THIS company is looking for domestication!

If this technique works, it could be a really effective dating strategy. Let's say my date is unable to answer my questions and support his statements with facts... Maybe this "job" ain't for him. If he fails to meet the "job's" requirements, he'll be thanked for coming in and sent on his way. Is that mean?

Let's say there's a situation where the guy is too good for me, which is quite possible I might add. In that case, it might be best that he's turned down for his over-qualification.

On a positive note, decent guys DO come along once in a while. If by chance I'm graced with such luck, a second interview might be in order before "the job" is officially offered. You never know!

QUESTION: What kind of a guy can meet my "job" requirements? ANSWER: He sought after me for reasons beyond what I look like. He's self aware and knows he's not perfect. He's willing to work on his flaws and battle his issues. He's willing to make sacrifices and contribute his 50% into a relationship. Time management, a positive attitude and critical thinking are his strong suits, all of which are also expected from his partner. Simple enough, right?

Who am I kidding? I just described the PERFECT guy!

THINK: What is Drama?

The word "drama" is one of those words that's not fully understood nor is it clearly defined. Many guys will say "I'm not into drama," but what does that mean exactly?

If you ask me, there's only one way to define drama: a series of tumultuous and unfavorable events that negatively impact one's life, or the act and behavior associated with being overly and unnecessarily dramatic. Make sense?

By a gay man's definition, drama can consist of anything from playing mind games, being catty, acting a fool or on a more general basis, "bullshitting." THAT is drama. Blowing things out of proportion or clinging onto a dead issue is a common form of perceived drama.

However, many guys confuse everyday-life drama with unnecessary drama and yes, there's a difference. Those who are naturally straight-forward, sensitive or emotional often take the fall for being "dramatic." However, a rude comment made to a guy who, (a) gets their feelings hurt and (b) won't stand for it is not causing "drama." When you think about it, there's a reaction for every action and I don't believe all reactions should be classified as drama. They're not always the same.

Emotions, distress and tribulations are a part of everyday life; they are also part of every relationship and that's just the way things are. Everything else beyond that is unnecessary drama -- drama you can do without or drama that needs not be so intense.

There are two ends of the spectrum here, but we should be aware of what lies where and why. It seems like it's getting to the point where every action a man takes is classified as drama. Not so.

This post is not indicative of any personal experiences. I'm just throwing this thought out there and trying to clearly define what we mean when we say "drama."

Whether we like it or not, drama is inevitable, but with the right approach, we can all learn from it. So, if you're boyfriend is cheating on you, yes, that's drama. However, if your friend/boyfriend had a bad day at work and isn't in a good mood, perhaps what he needs is a little love and support. NOT the "don't give me no drama" lecture.

THINK: And You Are?

I always write blogs that are negative, but it is what it is until something new comes along. However, I thought I'd write something neutral for once. As much as I hate labels, I thought it would be funny to describe the types of guys that are out there.

HOPELESS ROMANTIC - Despite encountering one bad experience after another, he can't help himself but to remain hopeful. His self-esteem and confidence might be low, but he wants the best for himself and knows he deserves nothing less. He's a sensitive idealist and a sentimental dreamer, but has a lot to offer. However, his values and offerings are usually of disinterest among his peers. Therefore, he grows to feel insecure and may become very clingy or in need of frequent reassurance. With a little patience and understanding, a HOPELESS ROMANTIC can be a wonderful partner.

FRONTER - He says he doesn't need or want a significant other, but it's obvious he does. Suspicious and distrustful of men, he'll keep you at a distance for a very long time and it'll take months before he lets his guard down. Some perceive him to be obnoxious, unfriendly and arrogant, but he's really shielding himself from harm. Even though he truly wants to find love, his fear of emotional pain prevents newly-formed relationships from progressing. FRONTERS don't like confrontation and need a lot of patience, but in the long run, he can be a very loyal, complex and exciting partner.

TRIFLIN' POMP - Frankly, he doesn't know what the fuck he wants and you may fall victim to his state of confusion (until of course he figures himself out). He's hard to read and will tell you what you want to hear, but he doesn't know whether he should follow his dick, his heart or his mind. While he desires some sort of male-to-male interaction, you'll soon discover what he's truly looking for is very, very basic and not necessarily beyond a platonic relationship. It's best to expect nothing from a TRIFLIN' BUCK. Instead, go with the flow or move on.

MUDSLINGER - You may be attracted to him, but he wants nothing to do with you (friends or otherwise), solely based on your difference in ethnicity. He's fully aware of his prejudice, but makes irrational excuses and tries to hide behind the fact that he "has black friends." The difference between being racist and having a preference hasn't crossed his mind and he'll slam the door in your face if you get to close. Superficial and rarely upfront with his thoughts, his view of reality is a bit distorted, yet he remains charismatic, giving and popular amongst his peers who may or may not be aware of his true intentions. More often than not, MUDSLINGERS are unaware of the roots of their feelings and can be taught important life lessons with a little social education. Fear not, MUDSLINGERS are curable, but beware: they come in all colors.

THE ERASIST - Not quite viewed as what our society deems as "normal" or "belonging," he's the opposite of what you'd expect. If he's from the 'burbs, he probably dresses, acts and speaks as an urbanite or vice versa; in other words, he defies stereotypes. He sometimes struggles with societies pressures and often has trouble relating with his ethnic demographic. He's open-minded, outspoken and educated, but fears rejection and prejudice. He takes pride in his earnings, materialistic or not, but values family and friendship much more. Although he's a true gentleman, you'd be surprised what he'll say between the sheets.

ASSHOLE - He's cocky, arrogant and loud, but for some reason, people gravitate towards him. A true Adonis to the eye, he knows he can have any guy he wants, but only if they meet superficial and shallow criteria. He smells great and dresses like a pro, but his conversation skills and intellect is limited. The topic of conversation usually focuses on himself, but he'd rather flash his balls or use his wallet as means to impress a guy. A guaranteed phenomenal hook-up or a "trophy-boy," he's not long-term material, but in the short-run, all should have caution. Hidden and bad habits may surface later on or you might fall victim to his bad temper.

"STRAIGHT-ACTING" - Although there' no such thing as a "straight-acting" gay man, he identifies himself as so. He may be uncomfortable with his sexuality, but he'll assert his masculinity almost immediately and may have slept with women deep in his past. More often than not, he wants no association with the gay or bi community. He avoids "the scene" and may not have much sexual experience. Ultimately, he needs someone to help him break out of his shell, but sexual acts may be his first priority.

THE FEMBOT - Over the top, colorful and flamboyant, the flames of his faggotry are worse than the California forest fires (I say that with love). We all know 'em and love 'em, but he farts rainbows and dramatizes every single one of his words. He's great for laughs, fashion tips and interior decorating -- your momma will love him. His confidence and intellect is infectious, but he does not get along with the many other types of men listed here.

THE AVERAGE JOE - Hard on himself for not being "good enough," he doesn't have much dating and/or sexual experience. The fact of the matter is, he's just as gorgeous on the inside as he is on the outside, but those who he encounters see differently. He may have a few extra pounds or a hairy chest, but he's attractive and good company. When the right guy comes along, he often lets his lack of confidence get the best of him and needs a lot of emotional support. Be patient, because he's a fast learner and ultimately desires a strong connection with someone who can appreciate him.

THE HOT-ASS MESS - Let's be honest. He's fat, stinks, eats like a pig and is messy, but with a little work and a shave, he can turn out to be a real stud. Often the third wheel because his more attractive friends think he's a bad wingman, the poor guy is beaten down. He wants to change, but doesn't have the tools or the motivation to do so. Instead of going out and meeting boys, Final Fantasy VII takes up his time, which is often the very thing that destroys his relationships He's corny, can't dance, has a hairy ass and drinks Coke like it's crack. He needs you. He's a nice guy, but needs to be taken out of his comfort zone and shown a good time -- in more ways than one. Break him off. You'll be happy you did.

FORMER "FAT-KID" - He's a fat/ugly kid stuck in a hot man's body. He used to be overweight or unattractive, but has grown into a fine, sexy stud that has a lot of good things going on. Unfortunately, he still thinks he's not good enough and below average, when in fact, he's anything but! He's oblivious to flirting and compliments make him uncomfortable. Although his confidence comes in waves, he'll never approach a guy at a bar and isn't very fond of being touched. If you're involved with a FORMER "FAT KID," get in the habit of giving him a compliment every day. It'll take a while for him to feel comfortable enough to take his shirt off when you're around.

Have I missed any?