TIP: "Seeing Where Things Go"

"I just want to see where things go."

What the fuck does that mean exactly? Some may argue that it means taking things one day at a time, but the more dates I have, the more I'm starting to realize it means something else.

Every man is in control of his own destiny (to a degree). Relationships of all sorts take work, and dating is no different. When I go out on a date, I go in it with the mindset of building something, whatever the outcome may be. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. However, the outcome of dating is in the hands of BOTH suitors, not just one... it's the same as what they say about doing the tango.

The common- and almost-cliche opener, "I just want to see where things go," is becoming more and more of a cop out. In my experience, it's a man's way avoiding taking the bull by the horns. It's a "wandering" or passive approach to dating and not something those of us who take dating seriously want to be a part of.

The bottom line is, a good man who knows what he wants will steer the ship in the direction he wants to go and worry about the outcome later. That is not a matter of forcing a certain outcome, but like I said, relationships take work. Move in the direction you want to go.

So what does he mean exactly? Well, here's my take on it:

1. He doesn't want to get too close because he's afraid of being hurt. He approaches his relationships with caution and skepticism. It's likely that he still has emotional baggage from past relationships or he might have trust issues. With patience and loyalty, he may eventually come around, but go with his pace and have no expectations.

2. Although he may think or say otherwise, he's really not ready for a relationship. Don't be surprised if he's open to a little play until he makes up his mind. Chances are, he'll toss you aside when he's done playing. If your date seems to be emotionally and spiritually disconnected from you, "seeing where things go" is sure to go nowhere. This is a matter of having his cake...

3. He wants to have the upper-hand over what develops. That means, he wants to make the decision to split if he wants to split. Your opinion doesn't hold much weight because he's not interested in dinner for two. It's all about him.

4. He's dating more than one guy -- or at least wants to have that option.

5. Maybe he really does want to take things slow, but watch for a plateau in your relationship. Once things become stagnate, they usually go downhill from there.

I hope that brings some insight. Good luck, guys.