STORY: Is that called confidence? I

For the first time, I kicked someone to the curb with FULL intentions.

Things were fantastic at first. I almost couldn't believe it was real. Having lived in Connecticut for a while now, I've only encountered trash, but I couldn't ask to have met a better guy. In fact, I was so afraid of fucking things up, I had to remind myself to think positively and not slip into a pit of low esteem.

I noticed a change a little before we had our third date. He became very self-concious and would cower away from me when I reached out to touch him. He thought he was too fat, but I didn't think so and tried to tell him otherwise. After a while, the whining began to turn me off. Someone who doesn't love them self can't possibly love me.

The phone conversations weren't as deep and I received fewer and fewer text messages and e-mails. We had gone from talking on the phone every night for hours and hours to once every other day. I began to get the sense that I was into him more than he was into me. I don't know how true that is, but after I discovered he had two other dates soon after we had our second, I began to get nervous.

I'm really not the jealous type, but I like to know if the person I'm dating is seeing other people or at least has plans to. That way, I can stop myself from developing significant feelings prematurely. Personally, I prefer not to date other people when I'm seeing someone who has a lot of potential just out of common respect, but I leave people's personal decisions up to them.

Last week, we had plans to go out on a fourth date while I was near his area. He hadn't yet received his work schedule, but was planning finding out if he was free the following weekend. I never heard from him.

I purposely didn't follow up because I wanted to see if he gave enough of a fuck to get back to me, but obviously he didn't and it pissed me off.

Over the past couple of weeks, I decided to slightly put the brakes on the romance, just to see if he'd notice or better yet, step up to fill the void. I figured if I stopped e-mailing and spontaneously sending pictures as much as I was, he'd miss it and try to charm me. Evidently, that wasn't the case.

I really don't ask for much. I'm the kind of guy that will buy gifts for his date, just because or send a random text message to say "hello." In return, I like to receive the same or at least a kind gesture that lets me know he was thinking about me. I don't need it every day, but once in a while is nice.

After a while, I got none of that. It was like I didn't even matter. Perhaps I didn't, but since I no longer have patience for fag games -- yes, fag games -- he was officially cut as of 7:05pm on Tuesday and I haven't said a damn word to him.

All e-mails, pictures, text messages and comments -- every last scrap was deleted in a matter of minutes and do you know what? I'm not a bit sad about it because I deserve better. Is that called confidence? Maybe. And it's about damn time.